I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
