i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
