Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
