you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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