And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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