Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
pray to the hookup gods
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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