so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
