When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
