you traded sex for a burrito?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
