i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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