She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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