he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
