it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
