dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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