I just saw a hot homeless man
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
