You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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