They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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