his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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