So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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