yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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