I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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