i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
