He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
