first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
