Me. At least after what I've been through.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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