no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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