You just made me feel so damn special
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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