and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
