I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
