he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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