Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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