Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
