come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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