i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
