The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
