We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
as a side note pls kill me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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