cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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