Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
