Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this just has baby written all over it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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