Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
