he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
