your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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