she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
