I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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