is your mom at the bar?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
