wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my shit smells like andre
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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