i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
