it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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