It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
