Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
