i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You need Xanax blowdarts
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I love you.
Bad choice
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
