omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
