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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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