I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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