Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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