I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
